Springfilm
by Simpcat
Summary: Some Hollywood directors decide to film a movie in Springfield starring everyone there without them knowing.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything I write except the words I write but not even all of those. This story is has some similarities to the Truman Show and Bowfinger but it's a Simpsons version. Anyway I'm just writing here more to get this to 2,000 words to make myself feel good but I don't think it will work. Damn I just checked still short.

**Springfilm**

Homer is watching a football game on TV.

Announcer: What a game we saw today. Let's look at the highlights. The game started off with a very touching moment as 9-year old Jake Conner lived out his dream of receiving the opening kickoff of a football game.

They show Jake catching the kick and running only to get hit by one of the football players and get crushed underneath. When the players get off of him he is not moving and the ambulance comes out and puts him on a stretcher and leave.

Announcer: (Laughs) Hopefully Jake has life insurance. Now on with the highlights. In the second quarter Denver's star quarterback threw a touchdown only to be arrested for lying to the federal government about using steroids afterwards.

It shows the Quarterback celebrating a touchdown with his teammates when two Government agents walk up to him and inform him of his arrest. He resists only to get tasered and carried off the field to boos from the crowd who throw garbage at him. Denver's head coach puts in the back-up QB who is a little shrimp compared to the rest of the players.

Announcer: Finally Al Johnson became the first one legged player in the NFL to score a touchdown to win the game.

It shows a clip of a normal two legged player running towards the end zone when another player tries tackling him but only succeeds in taking one of his legs clean off and Al screams in pain and falls into the end zone for the winning touchdown. His teammates instead of helping him lift his leg up in the air and hold it above them in celebration and his leg gets a Gatorade bath.

Bart: (hurries over to the couch) Move over they're going to preview the summer movie season. (The rest of the family joins in to watch the TV)

Announcer: If you want well-plotted, original movies then don't go to the theaters this summer. If you are sick of pointless Disney movies then too bad. This summer will feature plenty of sequels that will ruin the first movie and just make us more money. This year's Disney movie is about a boy who was born with a disability. He was born with a cardboard box attached to him.

The boy has a cardboard box around him with just his arms and legs sticking out. He goes through school getting laughed at. Because his original parents didn't want him they gave him away to an orphanage. Finally someone adopted him and the boy gets delivered to a house in an ups truck. A woman opens the door.

Boy: Mom. (He smiles hoping for reassurance from the woman)

Woman: Son. (They hug) Hey honey our new son has arrived.

Man: Oh he's not quite what the picture shows. (The picture he has is a boy inside of a mailbox instead of a cardboard box) But he's still cute.

Announcer: This summer Disney presents Cardboard Boy. He can do anything a normal boy can.

He is at a doctor's office.

Doctor: Cough. (The boy coughs) Nothing. Let me try higher.

Marge turns off the TV in disgust.

Marge: Jeez Hollywood will make a movie out of anything. Wonder what those Hollywood sleaze balls will think of next.

Homer: I wonder what they are doing now.

Meanwhile over in Hollywood all seems well although there is a wildfire going on right behind the Hollywood sign but no one seems to care. In a nearby studio some Hollywood writers and Directors were meeting.

Director #1: Ok we have gotten approval for a new movie. The catch is we will film in a city starring everyone in the city. The thing is they won't even know we will be making a movie. This way we get the most realistic actions from everyone. Now the only question is what city will it be.

Director #2: We have narrowed it down to three cities New York, New York, Las Vegas, Nevada or Springfield.

Writer #1: What state is Springfield in?

Director #1: Good question let's just see here (He pulls out a map) Ok here it is right here. (He points to it and everybody starts smiling)

Writer #2: It's perfect.

Director #3: Then we have a plane ready to fly us there today so let's pack up and go. Remember no one must know this will be a movie.

Mr. Burns and Smithers are driving to the airport.

Mr. Burns: Now remember Smithers the Russian President thinks we are friends with him.

Smithers: Yes, sir.

They drive up to where Mr. Burns Private Jet was supposed to be but see someone else's plane there.

Burns: What is the meaning of this? My Private Jet is supposed to be here.

A Man walks up to him.

Man: I'm sorry this is restricted Land Space.

Burns: But my Private Plane is supposed be here.

Man: What is your name?

Burns: C. Montgomery Burns.

Man: Oh Mr. Burns your plane is right over there. (He points to a burning Plane)

Mr. Burns can't believe it.

Man: See good as new.

Burns: My Beautiful plane there was so many memories in there.

The Firemen finally arrive. They look confused.

Firemen: Fire we've never dealt with that before. Better read the manual first.

Smithers: What are you guys waiting for get your hoses out and spray?

The Firemen listen and spray their hoses and Burns and Smithers leaving them soaked.

A little ways off the cameras were all set and rolling.

Director: And cut. That will be the first scene in our movie. Now let's move to the Kwik-E-Mart.

They set up camera outside the Kwik-E-Mart and the Director sends one of his men inside.

Men: Hello I'm looking for some Candy.

Apu: Right here. Hey I don't recognize you. Are you new around here?

Men: Well yes I am.

Apu: Well then you are in for a treat because you are just in time for the 11 O'clock robbery. (He looks at his watch) 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. (Nothing Happens) Something must be wrong he is never late.

Apu walks outside and looks around and noticed a bunch of guys beating up Snake.

Apu: Oh no no no he is supposed to be robbing me. Get away from him. (All of the guys stop and one points at Apu and they start coming after him)

Apu runs up to the man and asks for help but the man informs him that he's with them and Apu goes inside and dials 911.

Apu: Yes 911 help there are some muscular guys after me. No this is real my life is actually in danger. (They hang up on him)

Just when the guys were about to jump on Apu Snake returns and starts punching the guys all around the store. He grabs some cheese off the shelf and shoves it in one guy's mouth.

Snake: Say cheese Ha-Ha.

Apu: Snake look out. (Snake turns around and sees a guy coming and launches him through the window). Oh thank you Snake how can I ever repay you.

Snake pulls out his gun and points it at Apu.

Snake: You can start by giving me all of your money. And also some porn too.

Apu: The usual.

Snake: Yeah sure. (Apu hands him the money and porn) See you at six.

Snake runs off.

Back at the Director's camp everyone is getting bandaged up.

Director: Great Action Scene guys. Seeing that Robber has giving me a great Idea for our next scene.

At the First Bank of Springfield everything seems to be going normal when a group of Mimes come walking in. At first everyone thinks this is some kind of joke but then One Mime makes a motion of pointing a gun at the Bank Teller.

One Woman screams "look out he's got a gun" Everybody gets down on the floor when the other Mimes act like their pointing guns at everybody.

The Mime by the bank teller makes a hand gesture for money and the Bank teller does what he was told and pretends to open a vault and hand the Mime Money. The Other Mimes act like they have bags and are putting money in them. One guy tries running away but the Mime makes a motion of shooting a gun and the guy falls down in pain as he acts like he was hit in the leg with a bullet. One Mime picks him up and the Lead Mime makes a cut throat action.

Man: No don't shoot I don't want to die.

But the Mime pulls the trigger and the Man pretends to die. The Mimes then walk away in a fashion only a Mime can and leave the Bank.

The Director back where his camera is set up tells someone to take a note.

Director: Make a note on the DVD for this movie in the scene selections I want this scene to be called Criminal Mimes.

Later on the Director is shaking hands and congratulating everyone on a job well done.

Director: That was a great Job done for Day One but we have another long day ahead of us on Day Two.

The next day everyone is looking at the newspaper looking for places to go to and continue filming their movie.

Man#1: Hey look there is a Retirement Home nearby.

Director: Alright people let's go where everyone forgets your name because they are too old and the Average age is 90.

Man#2: Florida.

Director: No, the Retirement home.

They set up their cameras somewhere no one can see them. The Director is giving everyone last minute notes when someone rightly points out that Sen. John McCain is eating with the old folks.

Director: This is huge people. Roll film now.

Man: What do we say?

Director: just ad lib.

Man: Hi my name is Tony. Sen. McCain I will vote Democrat in November. What do you say about that?

John McCain: I don't blame you. I mean look at our country.

Man: By the way are you speaking here for your campaign?

John McCain: Uhhhh yeah speaking that's right.

Nurse: Alright John here are your pills and your glass of water to swallow them. After you are done it will be time for your afternoon nap. (The man looks surprised)

McCain: Oh don't look so shocked. Look at Obama out there. (He points out the window at Barack Obama standing by the road)

Obama: Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. (He gets less enthused about saying as he goes along until someone passes by) Change. You got change for a dollar. (The woman just looks irritated and walks away) Fine be that way I'll get your money anyway when I raise your taxes. (Everyone looks at him when he says that) Uh forget I said that and- (Everyone still is looking at him) Change. Change. Change. Change.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm back in Black. Here's part 2 to a story that everyone has probably forgotten about because it's been so long. Thanks to random raptor who reviewed another story of mine (Isla Nuclear there's a shill for that story) and motivated me to get back to writing this.**

Director: In order for this movie to work we need a celebrity cameo. Dave find me the nearest celebrity.

Later on Marge is going out to get the mail and behind some bushes the cameras are rolling.

Marge: Let's see Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill(Dollar Bill) Bill, Bill, BILL! (Bill Cosby walks by and waves and doesn't say a word and keeps walking)

Director from behind the bushes: And cut. Perfect.

Back at their studio they are going through editing.

Director: Make sure you make Moe Syszlak look like a big jerk.

Editor: But your paying me to edit.

Director: Fine make Barney appear like an alcoholic. There is one thing this Movie still needs and that is Kids. People think kids are cute and they draw money. Besides these former child stars aren't so cute anymore. (He points to a naked man sleeping on a couch, another man is passed out with a bottle of Jack Daniels next to him, some real fat woman is stuffing her face with cake, some man is snorting cocaine, and finally one man looks like he is about 100).

Editor: When were you a child star 1930.

Old Man: 1997.

Director: Here we go this is perfect Springfield Elementary. Let's pack up and go.

Editor: Uh we never unpacked.

Director: Can you just make Edna Krabappel appear desperate and lonely?

They head out and pose as teachers to get into the school. On their way in they get stopped by a medal detector. Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers are watching it.

Skinner: Hold on there why do you have a gun?

Man: Oh you got me. (He leaves) (He comes back a few seconds later)

Skinner: Why do you have a knife now?

Man: Uh Science Experiment.

Skinner: Oh very well carry on. These new Teacher Medal Detectors are working great.

Chalmers: Yes Teacher related accidents are down 41% since last year.

The Cameramen do get in and stand up in the back. They are led into the Auditorium.

Skinner: We are very pleased to have a special guest with us tonight. He has been called Earth's best friend. Ladies and Gentleman Al Gore. (Everyone applauds)

Al Gore: Thank you very much. Now you kids probably know me more recently from my Global warming film An Inconvenient Truth or maybe my lesser known Educational film on Wisdom teeth An Inconvenient Tooth. Today I am here to teach you the truth. You have always grown up thinking that there were just Animals and Plants. This Film will teach you a third main group.

The film starts rolling a man with a happy voice starts talking.

Happy Sounding Man: Some scientists now believe there are three main groups. Plants (Shows a Flower smiling with a smiling sun shining on it) Animals (Shows a smiling deer eating some grass and all of a sudden the man's tone changes to a real evil sound) and then Man (the background is surrounded by flames the deer gets shot dead. They step on and squish the smiling flower. They then cut down all of the trees who were smiling and their eyes turn to X's and they get dragged back to the truck and cut up more).

After the film is over Al Gore starts speaking again.

Al Gore: I hope you learned your lesson that all humans are polluters. (Bart raises his hand)

Bart: Even me.

Al Gore: Especially you. Now go home and tell your parents that they are evil polluting bastards. Now any questions? (Everyone raises their hand) I'm not going to answer any of your questions I just wanted to see how many people would raise their hands. Thank you for your time.

Outside the School Lisa was talking to Al Gore.

Lisa: I'm a big admirer of yours Mr. Ex Vice President.

Al Gore: Please just call me Mr. Gore. I just wish there were more people in Palm Beach Florida like you.

Lisa: Can I have your Autograph sir?

Al Gore: You know I would but I don't use paper because it hurts the trees and environment. But I'll be thinking about you now if you excuse me I need to get in my private jet.

He gets in his big private jet and when it starts a whole bunch of exhaust comes out the back and burns a nearby bird. All of the kids cough as the plane takes off.

Back at the Director's trailer everybody is trying to put the final touches on the film.

Director: Ok we have one more scene to film and it will be our most expensive shot yet.

Later they have a cheap background with a picture of a beach on it.

Director: You see this cheap beach background was our original idea but we have a better Idea.

They go to the beach. They strap a Pointy backpack for a camera on the cameraman's back.

Director: This scene will be filmed entirely underwater. Try to find a couple of sexy ladies to film. This film needs sex appeal. If you don't find any good looking women then use your own legs. Here's a razor.

They set the cameraman up in the water and he starts swimming towards a group of people. Ralph is playing on the beach and sees the pointy backpack that looks like a shark fin.

Ralph: Penguin. (Everybody gets startled at the sound of that and start coming out of the water)

A life guard who looks alot like Roy Scheider starts blowing his whistle and hurries everybody out of the water. When everybody is out they look back and the cameraman washes up onto the shore flopping like a fish.

Girl: Ahhh a cameraman. (Everybody gets back into the water even after a real shark fin is swimming around near the shore)

Roy Scheider look alike: What are you doing here?

Later on everyone involved in the movie is pacing frantically.

Director: We got to put the finishing touches on this film now. Our cover has been blown so it will only be a matter of time before they come storming in.

They turn on the TV to see Kent Brockman reporting about them.

Kent Brockman: So yes we have all been getting filmed for a movie behind our back. Luckily we've obtained footage of their trailer where they are located.

At Moe's bar

Moe: Those dirty rats. Words can't express my outrage at this. (Lenny and Carl walk in)

Lenny: Hey Moe you look angrier than usual.

Moe: Watch the bar for me.

Carl: Jeez we go on vacation together for one week and the whole town has gone mad. (Barney comes out with a gun)

Barney: Watch the bar for me.

Meanwhile the Simpsons are watching Kent Brockman on TV.

Marge: That would explain why yesterday those weird people came by taking pictures of me.

As soon as she says this those same people come by their house.

Guy: No we just think your hot.

Homer: That would also explain when I almost fell on a rake some guy who looked like me came by and fell on the rake first. (Homer starts to drink a beer when some guys yell out "Stunt Double". A Stunt double who looks like Homer goes and grabs a beer and chugs it down and the he and the Cameramen leave)

Homer: Marge did you see that he chugged in place of me. (He goes to the closet where the kids hang up their coats and grabs a gun). I saved this just for a situation when I was getting secretly filmed in a movie.

Marge: (Looking very worried) Homer what are you doing?

Homer: Marge, (Looking very intense) I'm going to take out the trash. (He cocks his gun)

After Homer takes out the trash he drives off towards the director's trailer.

Just about everybody in Springfield is driving towards the trailer. Many people with guns, grenades, and some people are driving tanks.

They all arrive at the trailer.

Moe knocks on the door.

Man: Who is it?

Moe: Your murderer.

Man: One second please.

The Director came out

Director: Your too late the movie is already being made whether you like it or not. (Laughs evilly)

Skinner: Why are you so cold hearted?

Director: I'm sorry I wasn't always like this but a few years I was getting married.

_flashback_

_Minister: I Josephine take Mark to be my wedded husband til death do us part._

_Josephine: I Josephine take Mark to be my wedded husband til death do us part. (She then pulls a gun out and kills herself)_

_end of flashback_

Mark: I vowed to never get married again.

Everyone is crying after that story.

Moe: That story didn't explain anything yet I'm still crying.

Drederick Tatum: I'm sorry I bit your ear off. Here you go (He gives the Cameraman's ear back) I know someone who can put that back on.

End of Part 2


End file.
